Interview: Johnny Tonic, Science Comic

By Tom Hummer | 4.01.07

For the past 20 years, Johnny Tonic has been turning the science world on its head with his unique brand of comedy. Tom Hummer caught up with one of the world’s only science comedians to see what makes him tick.

Tom Hummer: OK, I have to admit, I hadn’t heard of this before. In your own words, what is it that you do?

Johnny Tonic: Who else’s words are they going to be? Sorry, too easy. I’m a science comic.

TH: And what exactly is that?

JT: Well, someone has to get these uptight scientists to loosen up, and I’m the stirbar that makes it happen. So I travel around to scientific conventions and meetings and do my thing. Do some official shows, some unofficial, depending on what my agent can get. It pays the bills.

TH: How do you think you’re received at these meetings?

JT: I think I provide a nice break from the tedium of some scientific meetings. Some of those talks are like element five: Booorr-on!

TH: So how’d you get started?

JT: Funny story, actually. I was in grad school at the time…couldn’t get any NIH funding. So my advisor tells me I had to work longer and harder to get the job done. Naturally, I blurt out “That’s what she said!” Two seconds later, I was out on my ass. I took it as a sign from Darwin.

TH: But isn’t that ever a problem…I mean, does the scientific community really like to laugh? I’d be worried about working a room with a bunch of stiffs.

JT: That’s what she—

TH: Let me rephrase. Do scientists have a sense of humor?

JT: It’s all about timing, really. And knowing the audience. Like, in front of a bunch of geneticists, our famous “What determines maleness?” routine killed. Any chromosome joke, really. But for particle physicists, not so much.

TH: Can’t say I’m not familiar with that routine.

JT: Oh c’mon, you know: [Imitating two voices] What determines maleness? ‘Y.’ I just want to know. ‘Y.’ Because I’m curious. ‘Y.’ That brought down the house at Human Genetics every year.

TH: Yeah, that’s not bad.

JT: Not bad?! You’re obviously not in genetics. I swear Francis Crick peed his pants when he heard that.

TH: And when you say ‘our’ I assume you are referring to your history with Bill Nye, the Science Guy.

JT: Jesus, that hack? Yeah, Will and I used to be tight, but he changed. Back in the day, we were grinding it out together, working the Science Olympiad circuit. Had dreams of playing the Nobel afterparty. But he sold out, big time. Went corporate and cleaned up his act.

TH: Cleaned up his act? What do you mean?

JT: Will was one dirty comic. He dropped so many F-bombs at a 1995 mechanical engineering conference that he got kicked out. But he didn’t care—you should’ve seen how many MIT chicks he nailed that week.

TH: MIT is coed?

JT: Oh, you bet! And they were all over him. Some of those freaks are easier than igniting Hydrogen.

TH: I’ll take your word for it.

JT: But yeah, Will used to make a lot of cleavage references, uranus jokes, stuff like that.

TH: Uranus jokes? That seems kind of played out, doesn’t it?

JT: But he had a new take on it. He would talk about the rings.

TH: Wow. That’s disturbing, and I’m not even sure what it means. So you weren’t too happy when he became the Science Guy?

JT: First of all—“The Science Guy”? Where do you think he got that? I was Johnny Tonic, the Science Comic, and he was Chemical Spill Will.

TH: Chemical Spill Will? Really? That sounds like a Garbage Pail Kid.

JT: Ha! He wishes. Oh, and that bowtie? My idea, too. It was for this bit where he’d go out in his labcoat and bowtie and complain about being bullied, said they stuck his test tubes where the sun don’t shine. He’d ask for a volunteer to help retrieve them—of course, no one would—and then he’d reach behind him and pull out a picture of Mammoth Cave. Geologists love that one.

TH: I bet.

JT: I actually heard Carlos Mencia stole it, except he used bongs and the “Dark Side of the Moon.” Hey, great job, Carlos—you got Pink Floyd fans to laugh. Now, I’m not above borrowing jokes—I ripped this Gallagher bit where I smashed the periodic table with a giant hammer—but give a brother some credit, you know?

TH: It’s hard to see Bill going from that to his TV gig.

JT: Apparently some corporate stiff just saw the outfit, thought he’d be great for some kids show. Threw a mole of cash in his direction, and The Science Guy was born. You ask me, now he’s more like Billy Nooshbag, the Science—

TH: Still have a beef, huh?

JT: Eh, it’s H2O under the bridge, I guess.

TH: Yeah, sounds like it. So what are you up to now?

JT: I’m still touring. Just played a show outside the big aquatic sciences meeting in Santa Fe. I tell you, those limnologists are nuts! Let’s see, I have an album coming out: Live from the St. Petersburg Convention Center, and I guess I should also mention my old albums, I’m Naked Under My Labcoat and You Call That A Hypothesis?.

TH: Have you ever been heckled on stage?

JT: Of course, it happens to the best of us. Meteorologists are especially rough, they think every joke should be perfect. I mean, of all people.

TH: Any heckling stories stand out in particular?

JT: Oh yeah, back in ’96 or ’97, I was at this astronomy convention. Had this joke about Mars having Venus envy. Some drunk NASA blowhard starts needling me: “Yeah, well you’re the gaseous one!” Keep in mind he’s slurring every other word. I get to Jupiter and he starts calling me the “Great Red Dope,” and I couldn’t even get to my joke about the IRS’s favorite moon. He ruined a great set.

TH: That’s rough.

JT: Well, it happens to all the great ones.

TH: I hate to bring this up, but I understand you were in a bit of controversy over the last year. How did that come about?

JT: Well, against my better judgment, I made a joke about the Hurricane Katrina response. The audience did not take it so well.

TH: For the record, you stated, “Don’t blame Bush, blame the butterfly that flapped its wings in South America.”

JT: Yeah, that’s correct. And scientists still won’t let me live that down.

TH: Probably not a good idea to joke about Katrina.

JT: Yeah, I learned my lesson. It was dumb.

TH: Or was it the “Don’t blame Bush” part?

JT: Either way.

TH: So do you consider yourself more of a scientist or a comedian?

JT: I don’t think I’m more of either one. That’s what makes me so great. I am a science guy, but I also have comedy, my art. So really, I guess you could call me a science artist—a sartist.

TH: You’re an existentialist, too?

JT: Ooh, philosophy humor. Not my cup of tea.

TH: Sorry. Well, thanks for talking to me, and good luck making it to that Nobel afterparty.

JT: You know, I just want a chance. I think those Nobel guys would really dig my stuff. Except the peace prizers. Those guys are pansies.