Grey's Anatomy: A Human Resources Nightmare
Modern television viewers are not stupid. Shows like the Wire, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Arrested Development all require of their audience a keen sense of plot, emotion, and comedic irony, traits once reserved for independent film and theatre. But when it comes to the ABC medical drama Grey's Anatomy, there seems to be a major void in the reasoning abilities of its viewers. Let me explain:
The idea of cramming as much deceit, betrayal, sex, and adultery as possible into an hour-long hospital drama is not new. Shows like St. Elsewhere and ER were successfully doing this back when much of the Grey’s cast was still getting prodded by a pediatrician. But the fictional staff of surgeons at Seattle Grace Hospital has certainly taken it to a previously unattained level of ridiculousness. Now it’s not my intention to point out that the Grey’s Anatomy cast does it with each other with leporidian frequency, as this is rather obvious and has already been covered ad nauseum by the entertainment press. And I don't think the average Grey's viewer really believes the show's weekly session of gratuitous copulation to be an accurate representation of life on the wards – it's pretty obvious there'd be no time for patient care with that much procreation underway in the call rooms. I instead want to know why, if we all agree the show is so far-fetched and dramatized, do all you GA watchers continue to ask if my hospital experience was similar to that portrayed on this goddamn TV show?
I suppose it’s due to the voyeuristic excitement that comes from seeing a supposedly strict and moral population participate in spring break-like debauchery. And that the slightest bit of hope that this could be happening in the real world leaves even the sharpest of television viewers giggling like children at the idea of illicit sexual behavior.
Now don't get me wrong, there were plenty of extra-hospital romances, betrayals, and breakups that went on during my four years at medical school. They occurred in any combination you can think of between students, residents, nurses, patients, therapists, researchers, and faculty physicians. But I can only think of two episodes worthy of mention that actually occurred on hospital grounds.
There was the time two pediatric interns I was working under failed to show up for morning rounds. As our team of around 10 made its way past the resident call suite, our two friends emerged wrinkled and disheveled from what appeared to be an illicit all-night romp in one of the tiny, jailhouse cots my school provided for sleepovers. There they stood amongst a giant troop of their white-coat colleagues, he in a pair of askew scrub pants and she wearing the same skirt and top combo she had on the previous day. Then there was the time a friend supposedly consummated his latest fling atop a centrifuge in a neurology lab. Other than that, I've got nothing.
The consequences of a public affair within a teaching hospital in which one party is subordinate to the other are such a human resources nightmare that most healthcare providers choose to keep their private lives private. I mean, seriously, the amount of paperwork this team of half-wits on Grey's Anatomy would constantly be filling out is unimaginable. The show's only been on the air for two and a half seasons and already there's been a slew of affairs worthy of a visit to hospital administration.
First you've got the main character, surgery resident Meredith Grey, who in the pilot episode has a one night stand with faculty neurosurgeon Derek Shepherd. They continue hitting the sheets until Shepherd gets back together with his wife, from whom he was separated, and who now works in the same hospital. It's all very confusing. Then you have resident Christina Yang, who in the second season starts sleeping with cardiac surgeon Preston Burke. And still George O'Malley, another surgery apprentice who gets together with orthopedic surgeon Callie Torres. There's probably more than that but I don't watch the show very often.
But take the aforementioned hookups for example. Already you've got three supervisors required to report their relationships to both the Chair of their department and the head of Human Resources, and possibly to the Dean of Faculty Services. Then all six cast members are required to endure a private interview with the Chair to determine whether or not the relationship is consensual. Now the hospital has the daunting task of interdepartmental restructuring so the subordinate offenders won't continue working with their respective bed partners, which is impossible since they're all goddamn surgeons and work together everyday. And we haven't even gotten to all the forms they have to fill out to guard against future academic bias and sexual harassment claims in the event of an ugly breakup.
So yes, like any tight-knit community, real-life med students, residents, and even attending physicians all get it on with each other on a fairly regular basis. A 2005 survey conducted by the human resources firm Vault found that 58% of employees from numerous professions had at one point dated a coworker. The study further found that 81% of respondents reported having dated a subordinate. And while the epidemiology and consequences have not be studied specifically in the healthcare environment, studies have shown that workplace romances are on the rise, thanks in part to people putting in longer hours at work, obviously an issue in hospital environments where 80+ hour work weeks are not uncommon. But at least in my experience, such scandalous relationships are conducted in the confines of student/resident apartments and are rarely revealed to those outside one's peer-group. The ramifications of bringing a relationship of different authority levels (i.e., student/resident, resident/attending physician, etc) to the public eye are just too much of a hassle.
However, there is still hope for those of you longing to see the Grey’s level of amour in our real-life hospitals. In a recent study out of England, psychology lecturer Chantal Gautier suggests that organizations should support workplace romances. Gautier’s work demonstrated that office affairs do not affect occupational productivity; however, office breakups significantly decrease performance. He further posits that such affairs are inevitable and that it is in the governing body’s best interest to actively help employees deal with the situation, particularly in the aftermath (ie, through breakup counseling). So if this school of thought manages to catch on the healthcare arena, it won’t be long before our nation’s hospitals turn from uptight dens of romantic oppression to all-out Caligula. But in the meantime it’s best if such behavior is kept under wraps. If only because no one wants to get caught with their scrubs down by an elderly Professor of Pediatrics with a yellowed beard and a mysterious pant-bulge. That only happens on TV.
So the bottom line is, stop asking me about Grey's Anatomy.
Further Reading
Related Feature - “The Truth In Scrubs ” by Laura Zimmermann